I’m Somebody’s Mama

It has been a while since I felt the need to say anything on the site but it seems that a fitting time is now. Sometimes in life we just keep waiting and hoping that something great will just “happen” to us and then of course, it doesn’t. Well my new opinion is that I am now counting down to greatness because it is really not that far away…………I can feel it in my bones!

The Woman’s retreat on December 6th is destined to be spectacular and successful because I claim it in the name of Jesus and with the fabulous ladies that he has placed in my path in the form of Nerissa Golden and Dr. Anita Dafoe, are sure to help make that happen. The message of empowerment and the greatness we women have within is one that we want to impart to all women so we know that we are all fighting this fight together and with the right tools, understanding, and expectations are on the road to success.

My countdown to success begins now and I invite you all to be a part of it, come rain, come shine, it just takes the belief that we will all be the great person we were destined to be.

It has been a long time since I have posted anything because it seems that this book writing/process has taken far too long for it to even be “cute” anymore! Procrastination, being my middle name has some role in this I am sure but I think the FEAR is the thing that drives the whole “hold up” process.

FEAR of failure
FEAR of success
FEAR to be criticized
FEAR to be praised.

You name it and I fear it in this venture.

I am glad that recently I have been having some great moments of self talk as well as encouragement from others and the consensus is that it is ok to FEAR but not ok to do nothing.

FEAR is an emotion that needs to be be looked at square in the eyes and then we should just move on it, in other words; Do it anyway!!

So here goes.
I am sending this “book” off to the publishers today and in a few weeks I should hear some news and then, well we will have to see what happens then right?

Thanks for checking in and don’t forget to leave me a comment. Let me know what you are thinking too!

Find a good man, that is, I know that we as single women are sometimes so consumed with the desire to be in a relationship with the opposite sex just because of feelings of incompleteness that we can have. I mean I suffer from the same syndrome and that just makes me wonder how much preoccupation our universe really needs. For instance, I imagine that at any given hour, thousands of single women are just sitting and wondering where to find Mr. Right, and I bet that signals in the cosmos, meanwhile, have his wires so crossed that he can’t even focus on meeting us halfway! Think about it, a real case of “Malfunction Junction,” signals going out and wires being crossed all over. How about we turn back to the old way of just waiting and when the time is right, letting it all just happen? Yeah, like we can think away our need for physical contact—sure, that will work!

But seriously, and on the other side of the coin, I have been thinking a lot lately. I’ve been thinking that all the time that we women, whether single or single mothers, you name it, spend lamenting on this great void in our lives, we are often missing the boat on some very important things that we do have. Here’s what I mean.

Do you have a really great friend who you can call on at anytime and she will be there for you and happy that you called? What about one who is always upbeat and optimistic? What about the people that you are blessed to have in your life? I think about my friend who has known me since I was fourteen and who, today, could tell anyone many a secret that I may have long forgotten. She’s my mainstay friend who loves me to no end and will knock you out if you dare say a bad word about me (well, she will knock people out for sport, actually, but I can tell you, she sure is my protector). She and I have laughed and cried and sang and danced the night away for no particular reason at all. Throughout my journey she has been there; through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad. Then I think about my other friend that I have whom I met as an adult and when I think of how sweet this lady is to me, I can’t help but feel blessed. I have never heard her say a bad word about anyone, plus she laughs at all my jokes, so I have to keep her around.

There’s my little sister, who is like a daughter to me; this kid is in my corner and let me tell you, she is such an informer that you can’t tell her anything that does not get back to me. The love she has for me is contagious; she leaves me broke and with nothing to wear in my closet because if I have it, then that must mean it belongs to her. My brother “Naybo,” who goes along with the program of the hour because he’s letting me be the big boss, and one of my other brothers, who just thinks I am perfect. And, of course, there’s my mom, who is simply so everlastingly proud of me, and I have to tell you about my dear and utter confidante and friend who helps care for my children—not to mention my great friend who does security checks on all people coming near me in the form of a simple phone call and is so loyal every day that we breathe the air of this earth, and the list, happily, goes on of the wonderful people in my corner. Of course my precious and utterly wonderful children are a given in this whole equation!

These people make me feel good about being me, and if I spent more time thinking about the blessings of having them in my life, I’d surely spend less worrying about what I “need” to find. So lately I have forgotten about Mr. Right (and anyway, I know he’s desperately trying to find me through all of those crossed signals and when we all ease up, he will come).

So please, for all of our sakes, get your focus off the messages sent through the universe. Do us all a favor and think about your support system and the people who love you and see how you fare off. I bet you’ll find you are a lot better off than you even imagined.

Plus for the rest of the week at 8:00 p.m., I will expect to get through, so ladies, please stop clogging up the system!

Well, I just came off a vacation without kids and when you read the book you will understand better what that really means to me. Needless to say, I had a great time after worrying myself sick at the beginning. This time around I worried at the beginning and partied at the end and not the other way around. I guess we can call that progress in the life of somebody’s mama right?

I am writing this blog for all of the fabulous people that I met on the cruise and shared my book mark with. Linda, Pat and Martha (I hope I got it right) and thank God you did not change seats the last few days of the cruise, it was really great meeting you. You helped make the experience of that cruise…………..thanks for being so nice! Buddy and Becky; our table companions, I am still not sure if we’re friends seeing how you shrugged us off those two nights. Yeah, yeah you were tired, you had eaten, you were ill, yada, yada, yada…………..we heard it all before! Howard and Suzanne; wow, what a great couple to keep running into throughout that week! Hello to the craft ladies also. To all of the other wonderful people at the breakfast table that we met around the ship……………………………….Hello!! Thanks so much for the comments and the e-mails and don’t forget to tell your friends.

To the lady in the line at immigration, the nurse, also Somebody’s Mama, I must tell you that it simply warmed my heart to hear you say it just like that because I envision all of us “Mamas” out there getting “it”. We are just that, no matter what else we are, it all boils down to that at the end of the day doesn’t it? Angie on American airlines; girl you are just simply “FABULOUS”!!

My first publicity opportunity it would seem and what a great reception from everyone. Thanks; keep the comments coming and don’t forget to sign up so I can let everyone know when the book is ready. I hope sharing my story can help in some way. I can’t wait for you to read it!

Writing a book has been such a crazy experience from the first line that I wrote anything on a piece of paper up until this point. Writing my thoughts and feelings down seemed so cathartic yet filled with turmoil all at the same time. Getting to the point in my life where I felt like someone could actually read a “book” that I wrote “about me” no doubt has been the biggest challenge to date and yes I do mean even compared to giving birth to 3 bouncing babies!!

Seriously!!

I mean I am definitely not negating the grand task of labour and delivery but this………….let me tell you; you have no idea!

So my journey begins.

How many women, kindred spirits, are out there in the same blessed boat as I am and are raising their kids alone? Let me hear you say Hey!

How many days do we ask ourselves if we are even equipped to do this? And how many days do we get up and go through the motions of living and surviving and not wanting our children to be statistics. Not the statistic of not having a father living in the home mind you because that one is covered, but the statistic of single parent households producing dysfunctional, delinquent and problematic human beings! Is today a good day, I ask you, and if not then ask yourself why and what needs to be done differently.

Yesterday I had a massage because I was so stressed about everything that I felt my shoulders touching my ears. Did it relax me you ask? Well I went home and looked into my 13 year old daughter’s face and was placed on this immense guilt trip about having forgotten to take her to the beauty salon and lo and behold, my shoulders once again touched my ears. Had I forgotten or was it that when I got home, she was fishing in the canal down the street with her “grandpa”? Was that her and had she forgotten or was it me, as usual, who forgot to do something for one of these precious teenagers that seem to live and breathe to remind of what I have not done for them?

Ever had days like that?

Someone tell me, is this normal or is it that “Somebody’s Mama” is just an awful excuse allowed to call herself Somebody’s Mama?

God I just want to be perfect!
I just need to be perfect!

Can some perfect Mama out there please tell me if this is possible and if so, then where do I sign up. In the mean time and while I wait to hear from you, I will continue to do my best, make it up as I go along, proud that one of my treasures has graduated high school with no incidents, on his way to college, the other one on his way to his last year of high school, college in sight, and my precious guilt trip Suzy, is on her way to 9th grade, keeping me straight as an arrow the whole way through, and me just simply too proud of them to even think straight. Oh and also while it is on my mind, let me call the salon to make that hair appointment that I apparently had forgotten about! Let’s see how I can shape this day up.

And how is your day going?

What do you do when life throws you lemons and tomatoes? Ask for onions and make salsa; eat with tortilla chips and it is delectable. Chances are those same folks will want some of your dip and then what do you………..decisions, decisions; share because that is what life is all about!

So what is one to do when one finds herself single with three children all looking up at her like little birds, mouths open for food, eyes looking bright with trust. Do I allow the trepidation and fear that I feel to trickle down to them and terrify the living daylights out of all involved or do I just wing it and hope for the best? Once again I say decisions, decisions. One thing I know for sure is that failing was the scariest thought of all. I had to make it if not for me then most certainly for them. They didn’t ask to be here and I owed it to myself to not have grief in my later years from birthing and raising horrible human beings, and I owed society more than what they wanted to give me. I owed society a chance to continue thriving with productive citizens in it! And I owed myself the success, because God knows, it sure was bleak to begin with.

All I ever wanted during this journey was to be seen as normal, not some alien type creature with three heads, but apparently having three kids and being single seems to translate to that. I get it now of course, three kids’ equals three heads…….……hhhmmm
I guess fabulous, smart, funny me was just not enough for anyone to see past the three heads/three kids thing. Do you know just the other day a younger man that I went to school with (with graying hair and aging faster than I am mind you), asked me how my children were, “you have a football team right” he asked. I calmly looked at him and said, “Nope I only have three, but I will tell you what, if I did have a football team, the world should thank me that I have contributed so many wonderful people to society because these three that I have are just absolutely fabulous”. Of course he sheepishly looked at me and said he didn’t mean anything by that statement, he just knew I had a few kids and was just kidding. Don’t get me wrong, I was not offended because there are sure more things to be embarrassed of in this world but imagine three translating to having a football team. Do you see what I mean about just wanting to be seen as normal?? Even now at my age and stage in life, people have the nerve to be amazed at me having three kids and being single when both stations are simply conscious choices; with the latter being a well thought out choice trust me. I mean who really has the time while trying to get a “football” team in shape for the “life” season anyway.

So what is one to do when one finds oneself in that situation? Make lemonade, make tomato juice, just make something good that you can enjoy……..and of course there is always: SALSA ANYONE?

There are some basic things that you have to stand up for in this world, especially when it comes to being a single mother. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I lose my mind for a second and have to mentally recharge and regroup. And with days like the one I’m thinking of, it is of the utmost importance that I do.

MEMOIR 2000: All right, so we all know it’s a hard road being alone and raising kids, but somehow I also knew I had been blessed by looking young and still able to turn a few heads, you know?

I was kind of used to drawing attention from all types and that day I pulled up to the grocery store and fixed myself up in the mirror ‘cause I didn’t know who might be inside and I needed to be cute and correct, right? I was ready to descend on the store; I’d fixed the strap on my sandal, my hand was positioned just so, my purse was over my shoulder and I was ready for the breeze from the store’s opening door, you know what I’m talking about, the one made by gushing air conditioning? I was all set for it to lift me up and sweep me inside where I would need to sexily fix my hair again. And all of that in my “I’m not so obvious that I care” mode, “It’s just that I’m still so cute.”

And there he was and he saw me too. He was acting all nonchalant like he was picking out grapes or something, but I caught him looking at me from the side. I well knew the image that I was presenting…windswept goddess invading his world, swept in by a cool breeze on a sultry summer’s day. I was silhouetted by the sun behind me, making the most of my image of youthful shapeliness draped in form-fitting pants and cute little shirt. Man, I was nothing less than a mirage of cool lemonade in a scorching desert. In unbelievably slow motion I glided over towards him, of course trying to act like I got more than a lousy $25.00 in my purse. Just for a moment I lost myself in his image of me; I smiled coyly, a smile that said I saw him watching me.

And right then, just when I knew he was getting ready to make his move and I was perfectly positioned next to the kiwi fruit, all of a sudden there’s a commotion and the next thing I knew, two boys, both taller than I, ran up behind me, calling me “Mommy” or something like that… I forget, the vision went quite blurry at that point, distorted by pre-adolescent crackling voices, half deep, half high-pitched, half man, half child, you get the picture?

There they were, passing themselves off as the babies to whom I had given birth more than 13 years ago and who, incidentally, I had believed would be picked up from music lessons in another half-hour. So why were they jabbering about having got a ride and ‘seeing your car outside so we came inside to find you’? No sooner did I feel a twinge of disappointment than I saw Mr. Cutie Pie’s face drop like he’d been hit by a truck. He looked at my boys in horror and get this, glared at me with disgust, as if I had just broken out all over in hives (I mean wasn’t I the goddess of just about one second ago?).

But just as I caught myself thinking how much my kids cramped my style, I realized, ”Hey, they are my style!” and I knew that when he and his cute picking-out-grapes-self went out looking for someone younger and cuter than me (probably in about ten more minutes) my boys would still be loving me like crazy. So he could go on with his tired self! Who wanted him anyway? In fact I decided to spend my whole $25.00 on what the kids wanted that day! I didn’t need a man that bad, because guess what, they were—and are—my men and if he didn’t want them, he couldn’t have me!